24th Sunday - We are to Always Forgive

 

In the Gospel, St. Peter wondered, “How many times we must forgive others”. He was familiar with rabbis, who stated that a person should forgive, up to three times, but should not forgive the fourth time. Peter knew the number “Seven” was the "perfect number". And so He asked if a person should be forgiven up to 7 times, thinking he would outdo the Rabbis. He thought that to forgive 7 times, was something very great. However, Jesus replies, 77 times! By saying 77 times, he meant a limitless number of times. In other words, we are always to forgive. Since God is infinitely merciful, we must forgive without limit and so imitate God’s mercy and compassion for us.

Jesus then told the parable of the man, who was forgiven a huge debt, but later would not forgive a much smaller debt, owed to him by one of his servants. Since he had not forgiven, as he had been forgiven, Our Blessed Lord states, he would be handed over to the torturers, until he paid his last debt. He said, “So will His heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

God wants us to forgive because He has forgiven us. He wants us to be channels of mercy. How can we not forgive if God has forgiven our much worse sins?

In the Lord’s Prayer we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Therefore, if we do not forgive those who hurt us, God will not forgive our sins.

When Jesus asks us to forgive 77 times, that does not mean He wants us to be a doormat and allow others to continue to hurt us over and over. Yes, we always forgive, but at times we need to set boundaries to protect our self and our family from others who repeatedly hurt us.

We should love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us. We can see this especially in Jesus, who loved and prayed for-- His enemies. His face was spat upon; His eyes were blindfolded; His back scourged; His head crowned with thorns; He was mocked; He carried His Cross and was nailed to it. He was given vinegar to drink and suffered three hours until His death. While on the Cross, Jesus prayed for us, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Forgiveness is an act of the will. We choose to forgive, yet sometimes our unforgiving feelings continue because of our wounded emotions. But that does not mean we have not forgiven.

Forgiving is as simple as saying a prayer. For example, we mention the name of the person and the offense they committed and then we say, “In the name of Jesus, I forgive my sister for refusing to return my calls.” Or “In the name of Jesus, I forgive my neighbor for mowing over my flowers.” Or “In the name of Jesus, I forgive my father who tells me that I am stupid.” Or “In the name of Jesus, I forgive my daughter, who embarrassed me at the family reunion.” Or “In the name of Jesus, I forgive my ex-spouse, who lied and who verbally abused me.”

Sometimes, even though we want to forgive we just can’t make the act of the will to forgive and when that happens if we ask Jesus to help us to forgive, He will.

We may also have difficulty forgiving our self for something that was seriously wrong. For example, “In the name of Jesus, I forgive myself for driving intoxicated that caused a terrible accident injuring three people.” And then we should bring to light the truth of what actually happened.

“The truth is that I was underage and adults gave me alcohol to drink. They were more at fault than I, because I never had hard liquor before. I forgive them too.” “I forgive myself because my parents never told me to not drink and drive, and because my father did it all the time because he is an alcoholic. I forgive myself because I was immature and didn’t think things out. I didn’t have courage to say no to my friends because I wanted to fit in. I felt all alone. I was confused. I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

Just as Jesus made an excuse for us on the Cross, when He said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”, so we too must make an excuse for others and our self. We don’t excuse the bad behavior, but we excuse why the person did it. We don’t know why people say hurtful words. For example, if dad lost his temper, we can remind our self, he was wounded in the past by his parents and now has difficulty controlling his emotions, or he became upset because he had terrible headache; or he just learned his sister has cancer, and his emotions got the best of him. Or his blood sugar is low which makes him irritable.

After we make the act of forgiveness, we can still have angry thoughts, not because we haven’t forgiven, but because our emotions have been wounded. It takes time for our emotions to heal.

Emotions need to catch up to our choice to forgive. And so, if we have angry thoughts after we chose to forgive, we need to remind our self we have forgiven and that our wounded emotions are causing angry thoughts and not because we haven’t forgiven. Most people don’t intentionally want to hurt others, but at times, their emotions can get out of control. We must forgive-- as Jesus forgives. If we permit our anger to boil, what can happen, is the fire of divine love, within our heart, can grow cold. But if we keep our eyes fixed on the love and forgiveness of Jesus on the Cross, we will embrace those who have hurt us, with the same love Jesus embraced us, for having hurt Him.

This is one of the reasons why Catholics display a crucifix at church and in our homes, because it reminds us to forgive. And it reminds us that it hurts to love others.

At the foot of the Cross stands Mary, may we take Her into the home of our heart, and may She help us to pray, for those who have hurt us, as She prayed and forgave for those who crucified Her Son! And as we approach the altar to receive Our Lord in Holy Communion, let us make an act of forgiveness in the silence of our heart, “Father, I truly forgive those who have hurt me, because they knew not what they did, and please forgive me--- for my un—forgiveness.”