22nd Sunday - Good vs Bad Manners (Humility vs Pride)

 

                

This weekend, the readings today are about pride and humility. In the Magnificat for this Sunday’s Meditation, it quotes Pope Benedict who said, “...manners or good behavior cannot be separated from Christian morals, since Christianity cannot succeed where ordinary humanity is absent.” He said, “this is clear...in the book of Sirach,... in his instruction about good behavior, of the contrast between pride and humility and between self-glorification and readiness to love others. In the parable of choosing places at table, Jesus taught the deepest possible level. It is a parable of history of the world, in which the ruthless struggle for power has always taken place with little thought of the fate of others.”

In the Gospel parable Jesus said, “When you are invited by someone to a wedding banquet, do not recline at table in the place of honor. A more distinguished guest than you may have been invited and the host who invited you may say, “Give up your place to this man, and then you would proceed in embarrassment to take the lowest place. Rather, when you are invited, go and take the lowest place so that when the host comes to you he may say, “My friend, move up to a higher position. Then you will enjoy the esteem of your companions.”

We can say a lack of manners is a lack of respect which is pride. Good manners shows respect for God and others. It’s humility. Bad manners, by wanting to be seated in the place of honor is really a form of pride.

Let’s look at some examples of good manners verses bad manners. When anyone uses the restroom, it’s good manners to flush the toilet, wash your hands, throw the paper towel in the trash, and turn off the light when leaving. It’s bad manners to not flush the toilet, not wash your hands and to leave the light on. But, why? It shows a lack of respect to others who use the restroom after you. To come in and see a toilet not flushed. It's a lack of respect to not wash hands because due to germs what you touch can affect the health of others. It’s disrespectful to leave the light on because the business has to pay for the extra cost of electricity.

It’s bad manners for men and boys to wear a hat indoors, especially to not wear a hat in church because it is the house of God. To wear a hat in school or in a gymnasium, on an airplane or in a store shows a lack of respect for others. Women can wear hats or veils to Mass because of the ancient tradition that women cover their heads as an act of humility when in the presence of God. Women want to show God that He is more important than their appearance.

John Fetterman, a Pennsylvania senator, was greatly criticized for wearing shorts and a hoodie to the inauguration ceremony of the president. It showed bad manners, pride and a lack of respect for the office of president. It's like wearing shorts and t-shirt to a wedding or a funeral.

When I was in seminary, we were taught, that if we are seated, if a woman or an important person comes in the room, we are to stand to greet them. Failure to do so, shows a lack of good manners, a lack of respect. In Catholic schools, when the bishop or priest or principal visits a classroom, children stand up together to greet them.

When there is a social event, if there is no room to be seated, men and boys are to give their seat to older people, women, girls and especially pregnant women.

When dining with others, it’s good manners to wait until the last person receives their food before eating. It you are hosting a lunch or dinner, it’s good manners to have paper towels or napkins for those attending. When a guest comes to your home, offer them something to drink and tell them where the restroom is located in case they need it. When children play games or before eating, it is good manners and respectful for boys to allow the girls to go first.

When parents fail to teach children good manners, they are not teaching them to be respectful to others. Behind disrespect is pride. Pride causes one to think “I will not stand up for someone more important than I”. “I will not take off my hat out of respect for others”. “I will not dress up to a formal occasion or to church because no one will tell me what to do. I can treat others as though I am better than them. I can wear the clothes I want, when I want.”

Bad manners include talking back to or disobeying parents. Or interrupting others when they are speaking. It's bad manners to play with your phone or watch a video when someone is talking to you.

It is good manners for children to share their toys with brothers, sisters and friends. It is good manners to treat other children with respect as we would want to be treated.

It’s bad manners to make fun of other children, to put them down, to ridicule them. To give dirty looks, name calling, bumping against them, threatening harm, stealing their lunch or school supplies.

Today in schools there is cyberbullying where other children take photos of kids they don’t like, and they share them on Instagram or other social media. They make fun of their appearance and some even take disrespectful and improper photos and share them causing embarrassment.

To bully someone can be serious sin because it can cause the one who is being bullied to be isolated, feel alone, afraid to be with other children and not want to attend school. The child being bullied can develop depression and even think of suicide. The victim child can feel intense anger towards the bully. Bullying can cause the victim to lose friends and not feel part of the school or community. To feel unloved.

If bullying is severe, the bully may go to a juvenile detention center, (a jail for young people). The bully may to have to have a mental health evaluation and counseling.

Principals may suspend a bully from school or not be permitted to play sports or other school activities. The bully should be required to write a sincere letter of apology to every kid he or she bullied. If the threats are serious, parents can call police and a child could be arrested. If adults don’t take care of problems, young people may fight each other.

What do you do if you are the one being bullied? First, know that you are loved and cared about. But, you need to ask for help. Tell your parents, tell a teacher, tell a friend, tell a brother or sister, tell the principal. You can contact Instagram, and report inappropriate posting and they can block the abuser.

Those who bully not only have bad manners, not only are they being disrespectful, but they are also emotionally harming other children. Bullies act this way out of pride, because they think they are better than those they bully.

The remedy to all of this is good manners, treating every person with respect and love. When we are treating others with respect, we are really treating Jesus with respect. When we treat others disrespectfully, we are really treating Jesus disrespectfully. When we bully others, we really bullying Jesus. When we do a charitable act to others, we are doing it to Jesus. Our Lord said, “What you do to the least of my brothers and sisters, you do unto me.”

God loves each and every person and God wants us to love everyone. God wants bullies to repent; to ask Him for forgiveness and ask the people you hurt to forgive them.

If we have been mistreated, we forgive those who hurt us. We pray for them and ask God to help them come to repentance. To be truly sorry means to stop bad behaviors, apologize, and to love others as God loves us. 

How wonderful it would be if a bully and the victim would become friends and both show each other respect and love. What do you want to be known for? A person who is respectful with good manners and humility. Or a person who is disrespectful, with bad manners and prideful? The prideful will always end being humbled, while the humble will always be exalted. Jesus said, “Whoever exalts himself, will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself, will be exalted.”